I am forgetting lately. Yet, that can actually be a good sign, that I'm keeping busy. When I'm busy (and not overwhelmed), I'm happy.
And I'm getting better at choosing what I want and making stronger decisions. I'm becoming more assertive about what I want and don't want, and I'm beginning to stop apologizing for it. It only took only little costly mistake for me to change, but it's okay. I'm realizing that it's okay to make a bad decision and learn from it. School's going well, working is good for me, and I'm more involved on campus.
Strangely, the pressure to tolerate things and not do what I really want comes mostly from me. I've always obligated myself into doing things, even instead of other things I found interesting. I'm starting to ask myself why I am choosing something before I do, and realizing that I can change my mind. I don't have to choose what someone else wants me to choose, though I do keep an open mind. I am learning how to express my opinions in a gentle, non-threatening way. And, you see, this isn't a huge change. I probably seem, on the outside, like the same person. These are small changes but I think they are important ones. Maybe I'm starting to care less about what other people think of me- always a good thing to stop over-analyzing.
I had a great weekend. As I type this, I know I am not completely free yet, because I still write to fit within the confines and what is appropriate. But I can still say I had a good weekend and know I want to write more and hold back just a little.
Life's good.
