Happy New Year's Eve!

I give Sean most of the credit for this picture. And those bracelets are so cool.

Confession

Taylor Swift's song "Never Grow Up" makes me unbelievably sad every time I listen to it. Seriously, go listen and tell me if you can stop yourself from crying, or at least tearing up. It got me thinking about a lot of things (i.e. my LIFE) and I was nostalgic and sad. But it's okay! It's a nice song and I had a good day following that.

I have thank you cards to write, people to visit, CD mixes to create, and textbooks to order. My vacation time seems nearly over. (Sigh). That's alright. I've had a wonderful Christmas.

Quotable Friday's Post (Christmas wishes)

Though this quote isn't distinctly Christmas-themed, I found it appropriate for today on Christmas Eve (which for my family is just as much of a holiday as tomorrow will be). For any readers and for all my imaginary ones (and mostly to myself), I'm sorry that I haven't posted very much this month- I've been slacking with no good excuse! I'll work on that. Have a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas Preparations, continued

I declared today as my official Get-Serious-About-Christmas-Card-Making Day. So I did, which resulted in a huge mess that my family wasn't thrilled about. Oh well.

But I made a lot of cards today for my extended family and friends who I won't see on Christmas. (Those cards have yet to be made...ahem.) I mailed them all today, so I feel pretty accomplished. Tonight we're making sugar cookies. Here's a better picture that captures the mess I made: 

Oh, I just remembered that I still have to vacuum. I sort of hate glitter. But I cleaned the counter top (as per my parents' demands.) But here is a small sample of my results: 

I really like card-making, despite the fact it takes me an eternity to do. It's one of my miscellaneous talents. Anyway, I hope you had a great day, no matter your holiday preference.

Good Deeds and Christmas Spirit

I did a good deed recently. You should too. 

Our Christmas tree is decorated, the exterior looks very festive, and I spent a few hours today making Christmas candles. They smell like pine trees. I still have dozens of cards to make and gift-wrapping to do, but I will complete it all in time!

Christmas Spirit

Hopefully, if I still am keeping up with this blog come next December, I will post lists of holiday gift ideas. I feel like I have a lot of ideas and I realize how hard selecting the perfect gifts is. I'm the kind of person who believes in gifting gifts and not gift cards. Though I do appreciate receiving anyone's generosity, no matter its form.

While I was nailing Christmas lights to the roof of my house, I thought about how different thing would be if my family didn't celebrate Christmas or Christmas didn't exist it all. Or if Christmas was celebrated on the same scale as a "smaller" holiday, like Easter. It's such a huge production full of obligations, but everyone involved (including me) claims to love it so much. Then I realized that it symbolizes a lot more than religious beliefs and that it gives everyone who participates a unifying goal and a common theme...for at least one month of the year. Which, to be fair, is a pretty good chunk of time for a single-day holiday. 

I love Christmas and the traditions that accompany it. 

(And I'm serious about the good deed advice.)

Quotable Friday's Post

"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

-Clarence (It's A Wonderful Life)

Quotable Friday's Post

Friday's Quotable Post

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato

The Art of Listening

Music 15, the Art of Listening, is coming to an end. However, it was quite the quarter with a very eccentric professor. These are just a few of the memorable things he said while (supposedly) talking about music. 

"What was he smoking?" (Said on multiple occasions)

"It makes you buy war bonds." (Speaking about a patriotic piece)

"I hope you all did well on the quiz..." -Prof. Hall (Directed at the athletes) 

"I got a 100%!" -Football player 

"Well, that's better than your record on the field." -Prof. Hall

"I like this...I listen to it when I'm cleaning my toilet." 

"Americans do it best!"

"My teacher once told me it was like the skin on your balls. You can stretch it a little but if you do it too much it's painful." (Talking about the singing technique of rubato)" 

"Lots of mostly naked Russians running around..." 

"What about your guilty pleasures? Do you any of think listen to Katy Perry and think 'Teenage Dream' is fabulous?"

I'm realizing I can't even remember most of the hilarious things he said. Oh well. They were amusing lectures.

A Blending

I'm 18 and thankful, all at the same time. I blog to you from Spreckels, CA, home for the brief Thanksgiving break. I so far have turned 18 years old and have celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. 

I am so appreciative of all my friends and family and even acquaintances who wished me a happy birthday and contributed to my happiness. It felt really good to be remembered. Despite moving from class to my dorm to the airport, I had a surprisingly good birthday. This break has been somewhat of a reunion for my friends and I as well. I am very grateful for all of them. I had a lovely dinner at Olive Garden today and was surprised with a birthday celebration too. 

Also, thank you so much, Sean. He posted a cute birthday thing for me and was my official birthday photographer, so I must give him credit for that. He also gave me the most personalized photo album/book for our two year anniversary, which was incredibly thoughtful.

I'm enjoying being home, with my sister and my parents. And my cat, Kit Kat, whom I miss a lot sometimes. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving too. 

Quotable Friday's Post

Updating my blog...

Update: I got the classes I wanted for next quarter. The statistics class, the art history class, and the freshman "cluster" in which I'm currently enrolled (it's a year long class). I'm going home in four days and turning eighteen in four days as well. I already feel eighteen, in a way. I've always felt older than my age, particularly in school and my friendships. I suppose maturity is just a natural thing; I don't think outright seeking it will work. I've always been told I'm mature but I believe it more as time goes on. 

I attended a really good play tonight. It was a musical titled "I Love You Because." I have to confess it was my only outing today; I spent most of my Saturday sleeping. I'm glad there are events like plays and fun things I can attend. the play was super funny, kind of raunchy, and just very well rehearsed and performed. Good job, UCLA students.

Currently I've been obsessed with an outdated Kate Nash song (it's not any of her more current work) titled "Birds." It's really metaphorical. It gets stuck in my head easily. It's a very pretty song about a young couple (who I like to think are in a long distance relationship) who have a visit together though they don't have a lot of money. The boy tries to explain his feelings to his girlfriend and it's cute and funny. I hope that this has made you curious at least. Go look it up and listen!

While I'm on the subject of recommendations, I have to say that the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was totally worth the loss of sleep I incurred for it. I actually had a very long discussion about the movie with another volunteer in the Amigos program in which we totally dissected the themes and imagery and acting. I instantly have a connection to other Harry Potter fans. 

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good..."

Quotable (Friday's) Post

Sorry. I realize this is a day late. I hope it's worth it. :) I like quotes in Latin. 

Per Aspera Ad Astra

November 18

For me, there are many good things to look forward to today. It seems like so many events are planned for November 18. Soon, I will register for next quarter's classes. I'm anticipating that to go well (or at least better than my first quarter registration).

Not to jinx my luck, but I have an ideal schedule in mind that I'd like for winter quarter. Stats 10, Art History 57, and the next quarter of my freshman cluster on sex, biology, and society. It may seem that my class choices are arbitrary, but I am trying to focus on fulfilling general education requirements. Today is important because (hopefully!) I can secure a place in that statistics course and the art history one. Mrs. Dotto, my high school art history teacher, was definitely influential in my selection.

Today is my anniversary with Sean, which makes both of us super happy. Despite the fact I can't see him until next week, it's still exciting and makes November 18 a wholly positive day on the calendar. It's weird, even for me, to think of being with the same person for two years. Really, though, it was effortless. I feel like this is more of a post for Sean to read, but I'm trying not to make it too gross and romantic. :)  I've learned a lot about being in a relationship from pure experience, and I know how to have a great, healthy relationship. Even when it's a long-distance one. 

This part of my post will make Sean upset because he is not with me, but....tonight is the premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One! All of you Harry Potter fans should be very excited. I know I am. I will try to stay awake and energetic until then!

P.S. Sean, I love you. Thank you for everything.

Quotable Friday's Post

"You can do anything, but not everything."
—David Allen

Conditional Hand-Holding

Holding hands is nice, circumstantially. Weather permitting, it's good. If it's too hot outside, both people's hands will get sweaty. If it's too cold outside, hands belong more to pockets; otherwise they'll get cold. I like hand-holding. It's good for brief moments and strolling around in moderate climates.

Quotable Friday's Post

I was going to post the lyrics to Kimya Dawson's song "Underground" because I've had a frustrating headache today and I relate to the lyrics. But I think you'll find my alternative selection much more eloquent. For one, it's a poem (by e.e. cummings, my favourite) and I guess I just decided that it counts. Also, it's not about having sinusitis. 

"Lady, i will touch you with my mind. 
Touch you and touch and touch 
until you give 
me suddenly a smile,shyly obscene 

(lady i will 
touch you with my mind.)Touch 
you,that is all, 

lightly and you utterly will become 
with infinite care 

the poem which i do not write." 

E.E. Cummings

Progress

Progress makes me happy, but only real progress.

I'm slowly repairing something that was broken.

Story Telling

I always wished I was a better story-teller. It's not that I'm awful at it, but my stories aren't the most captivating because they tend to become long-winded. And it's not that I don't have any to tell, either, because I like to think that I do.

Here's a story. Recently, I was at a bus stop alone, which is rare because I don't use public transportation often and I don't usually travel alone. But, there I was, returning to campus. On the bus, I pulled out my notebook from my backpack in an attempt to study. I get distracted often, especially around other people. There was a girl, perhaps a little older than me, sitting in the seat directly behind me. "What are you doing?" she asked, peering over the seat. "Studying," I replied. I smiled to be polite, as I often do. Maybe it looks forced. Nevertheless, she stood up quickly and asked if she could sit in the empty seat beside me. She introduced herself as Sandy. 

We chatted for a few minutes during our slow trudge through traffic. She asked me what I had planned for the evening. "Nothing really. Possibly a continuation of this studying..." I trailed off. I don't make good first impressions. Yet, she was grinning. "Get off on this next stop with me," she instructed. I tried not to look so shocked and agreed. What else did I have to do?

When we got off, I realized I wasn't familiar with the area. We must have been least a mile from campus. "Where are we going?" I finally asked. She looked at me and said, "I need your help. Can I trust you?" I nodded without thought, but then asked her why. "Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, BUT I swear it's true," she talked as she flipped her hair up and made a quick ponytail. "It started with this manuscript. I have a friend who is trying to get published; he's, like, brilliant. But his laptop was stolen." I liked her and her eclectic style, so I wanted to believe her. "Did he report it?" I asked. "No, because he's undocumented. He's not like, 'illegal,' he just kinda chose to extend his student visa without permission. Technically," she explained, smacking her gum. I felt complete sympathy for whatever reason. "Okay. You can trust me. So...um...where are we going?"

A few blocks down, we found ourselves in the alley behind a run-down used book store in Los Angeles. At this point, I wasn't sure what to think or even what I was doing. I looked at my phone; it was 6:15. I assumed I wouldn't be returning until much later. My friend and my roommates were texting me, and I lied, playing it off to my roommates that I stayed in the library to study. I was alone, waiting for Sandy to walk outside again. She opened the door, smiling. "Got it," she said satisfactorily. "What did you get?" I still had NO idea. She held up the little slip of paper; it had numbers on it. A phone number. 

"You see," Sandy explained, "when Rick's bag was stolen, his cell phone was also in the bag. And he had a tracking device on the cell phone." Okay...where was this story going? "Rick's been tracking the location of the cell phone. This ice cream shop was frequently showed up. Rick came here the other day, and asked if the store had an employee with black hair and a tribal tattoo on his forearm. That was all Rick saw when his bag was stolen. Sure enough, they did, and said his name was Paul."

"How did you get his phone number?" I asked incredulously. "I pretended I met him at a bar," she half-laughed. "Come on, we've got some breaking and entering to do."

We showed up at Paul's apartment building. Sandy and Rick had been able to find his exact address with his phone number, and were tracking his address with the cell phone minute by minute. I was impressed. We pretended we were residents, walked into the building, and pushed the elevator button for the fourth floor. "What are you doing? His apartment is 511," I said. "We can't look too suspicious," she said. We got out and she immediately dragged me to the stair way and closed the door. She pulled out a bunch of equipment including pliers, a screwdriver, paper clips, latex gloves, some paper and a pen, and her own cell phone. She called who I assumed was Rick. "We're in the building....mmhmm....update on lovely Paul's location?" she talked quickly and sarcastically. "Brilliant. Will call later. Bye." She hung up abruptly and scribbled something on a piece of paper and folded it in half. She handed me the gloves. "Ready?" she asked staring me in the eyes. "What? Why me? I'm going in?!" I stuttered. "Yes, you," she replied. "I can't get in trouble. You said I could trust you."

As you can probably guess, I agreed. I was told what to look for and instructed what to do. Then, Sandy gave me the cue. I ran up the stairs and opened the door into the fifth floor. I waited until the hallway was deserted and picked the lock. It's amazing how quickly that skill can be acquired. I felt the folded note on the messy bed. It took me awhile to locate the laptop bag, but finally I found it inside. I listened with paranoia and ran quickly out of the apartment, and shot the door behind me. I didn't even know what Paul looked like, so how would I know to avoid him! I met Sandy on the first floor.

"You did it!" she said upon seeing me. "I need to call Rick. Brilliant." She sounded completely sincere. I looked at my phone after disposing of my gloves carefully. It was 8:34. "Yeah, can I ask something?" I said. "Sure," she said. 

"What did the note say?"

Sandy smiled. "It said...'Nice try, Paul. XOXO, Sandy.'"

 

Okay, okay...this really didn't happen. Which you already know. I really wish something like this would happen to me, though. :)

Big Life

I'm a spectator. A note-taker. A listener. A student in the crowd. A member of the audience. I don't even require the definite article "the," because "a" will suffice. I'm one among many. Watching. Following. Waiting. I'm continuing rather than starting. I'm an observer. I'm a bystander. Things are happening to me and around me, but I'm not taking the initiative. I'm just peering through a window, and I'm not the only one. 

It's a big change for me. 

?

(I found this online.)

Traps

There are things I can't write about and things I can't talk about. In a way, everyone is trapped by confines in one form or another. It will always be that way. 

Perhaps this is good for us? It comes with advantages and disadvantages, but maybe our traps protect us. If were weren't shielded from our own inhibition, how would we learn discipline? However, I get tired of censoring what I say. I suppose I can write what I want and keep it to myself, but that limits the creative sharing process too. Some of my best writing remains hidden, only because it may hurt someone's feelings or reveal too much. I don't try to hurt anyone, but sometimes- rarely- people hurt me. 

That is not a good place to end, because mostly people are very wonderful to me, in the best way they know how to be. Most of the traps surrounding me are ones I have set myself. Just please don't let anyone censor you (too much) and trap you.

Things I Like About College

I have been here at school for approximately six weeks, so I suppose I now have some credibility in compiling this list. So far, I'm really liking it. It's hard to answer the vague question "how's college going?" without using the blanket statement "it's good..." or launching into too detailed an answer. So, hopefully my list will be a concise but personalized answer to that question.

(In no particular order)

1. Instant mac and cheese cups
2. My roommates
3. (Most of) my professors and TA's
4. Avocado and cucumber rolls on Tuesdays
5. Walking around when the weather is mild
6. Freedom of sleep/wake up schedule
7. Doing laundry (It makes me feel accomplished)
8. Receiving packages
9. The pretty campus
10. Free movie showings (How to Train Your Dragon, Get Him to The Greek, Inception)
11. Seeing people I know and recognize
12. Taking photos (I guess that hasn't changed.)
13. Working out occasionally
14. Bunk bed! (It's actually a love/hate relationship)
15. Figuring out public transportation
16. Diddy Riese (A cookie/ice cream place in Westwood)
17. Seeing high school students on tours of the campus 
18. Getting to lecture early and finding a good seat
19. Staying up really late
20. Other free activities/things (Hypnotist Show, henna tattoo, food sometimes)
21. Phone calls from friends
22. Feeling more grown up
23. Decorating my dorm for Halloween
24. Having inside jokes and memorable quotes with my roommates
25. Skype time
26. Making birthday posters
27. Finding short cuts and hidden spots
28. Looking at classes I might like to take at some point
29. Tutoring George (my sixth grade tutee who lives in LA)
30. Sleeping...or napping.

Nostalgia

Over the weekend, I spent some time looking at nearly all the photos I'd ever been tagged in on my Facebook account. Some might say that's a really lame thing to do, but it made me remember a lot of good times in high school and at camp and with my friends. I realized I'm perhaps more photogenic that I thought, but more importantly, I realized that I do miss things about my life just a few months ago. High school is over and that is fine, although there are many great teachers there who inspired me and who I will visit. But Artemis is different. I feel that the Artemis program (Artemis Leadership Training Adventure, in case you're confused) is a permanent part of my heart. I miss the girls there. I know I'll return to help as much as I can, I'm just going to miss those monthly gatherings where so much happened to me. I'm even sad about it. I guess I have to move on; it's just hard of let go of that. Five years is a long commitment. 

And if anyone from Artemis is reading this, I hope you had a great ALTA weekend and made lots of memories for yourself. Those are undoubtedly great times. I'm sad but I'm happy too.

Life Rules, Part 1

These are a few life mottos I've found very applicable and useful in life. Think about them. I didn't totally invent these concepts (they're based on common sense in general); I just like them.

1. If its not 100% yes, it's no. You'd be surprised how often this applies to various situations. I guess it goes along with being whole-hearted. It's hard to fake something that's really important. Stick to your instinct. 
2. Don't snoop through others' private information, communications, or things. I.e. email accounts, text messages, journals, drawers, et cetera. You almost always find something that will hurt you or make you confused. And then you've got only yourself to blame, NOT the person to whom it belongs. It wasn't his or her fault you looked. In cases of suspicion, I suppose the best thing to do is discreetly confront the other person, if it's that important. Usually it's not.
3. Don't be (too big of) a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite. I said not to give advice.

Quotable Friday's Post

Hello! This time, it wasn't my fault that I missed my Friday post. The internet and cable TV cords were accidentally severed, causing our building to lose wireless and wired service. So with that excuse out of the way, here's the quote I was going to post yesterday...

It's a good one...

"Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

Have a good weekend.

Happy Thursday. This says it all.

What I Am, What I'm Not

I'm tough.

I'm impervious.

I'm adaptable.

I'm flexible.

I'm independent.

I'm not (too) vulnerable.

And that makes me strong.

Black Skirt

I'm wearing this black skirt today. I've been wearing it a lot lately; I've found it to be a very versatile piece. There's a story behind this skirt. A few weeks prior before I moved down to Los Angeles, I went shopping with mom and sister at the mall. In the Pac Sun store, I tried on this skirt for the first time. I really liked it and wanted to buy it. My mom didn't, however. I don't remember the exact conversation, but she didn't think it was flattering on me and didn't want to waste the money. Maybe she worried I'd never wear it. I was upset, but we left the store.

The next week, I was shopping with a friend and saw the Pac Sun store. I went inside and bought the skirt with my own money. And I felt pretty liberated. Of course, I can't wear it in front of her, but I packed it and now I wear it often. This is my black skirt, it matches a lot of shirts. It fits me, and has pockets. The epitome of feminism. 

So, I guess there's a moral to this story. Many times, my mom is right when it comes to clothing choices and shopping. I'm certainly no expert. It's good to listen to advice. But other times, you might have to disobey or deviate in order to make a decision that's best for you. Maybe my mom was right and this skirt makes me look fat. I don't think so, though, and perhaps I'm happy in ignorance. I like wearing my black skirt on my own and I'm fine.

Quotable Friday's Post

Reflect. And I'll talk to you soon.

FEAR: 

False 

Evidence 

Appearing 

Real

Week Three

I can't believe I haven't posted at all this week. Part of me was afraid to reveal the truth, or to somehow jinx my good fortune. I had a very good weekend; this upcoming one will be dull in comparison (probably). I really appreciate everything my boyfriend does for me. I was joking with one of my friends (you know who you are), and told her to discover the flaws in the boy she liked, and then her crush would be resolved. I'm pretty confident I know all of Sean's flaws, and I like him despite of and even because of them. You've probably heard that advice before. "Loving unconditionally." But I really mean it- it's essential.

But never mind that. I don't like to give advice; it makes you vulnerable. I have started this tutoring program where we go to schools of lower-income populations and help kids with math and science, primarily. My tutee's name is George and he's in sixth grade. I'm actually going to leave to get on the van very soon. I like it. I really want to help him. I've been wondering if I'm involved enough in college and extracurricular activities, but now quizzes have started being issued and midterms approach and my mind stops questioning so much.

Stay tuned for the Quotable of the week. I have something in mind, but I want it to be in separate post. 

Also, because of circumstances I can't detail explicitly here, I'm going to start posting a lot more photographs. (Better quality ones, too, at least digitally.) So...I hope you have a good weekend. I hope you read PostSecret and do something you like, such as solving Sudoku puzzles or eating yogurt with cereal or drawing faces on a pumpkin with a Sharpie. Those are things I enjoy.

Quotable Friday's Post

Reflect on this:

Well done is better than well said.

-Benjamin Franklin

Im(perfect)ion

Listen, listen.

Do you ever think about it?

You're not gaining anything by trying to be the best.

Striving for the impossible.

Setting vague goals with little value attached.

And now...

Do you realize the weight you've put on yourself by being the best little girl in the world?

Quotable Friday's Post

I missed it by an hour, but I can still post now. You'll all forgive me, right?

Reflect on this:

“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.”
-Gertrude Stein

A Good Sign

When I first got my roommates' contact information, my initial impression was "Wow, they're really different than me." It was more of a neutral reaction, almost as if I immediately accepted it. But now, looking back on the first impressions and first Facebook-viewing, I'm sure each of us had similar thoughts. I'm not like them in many ways, they're not like me, and they are not alike themselves. Don't worry, we do have a few things in common. All is good. I'm just saying I've now moved from "they're different from me" to "we're different from each other." I think this is positive.

My (Former) Role Model

If only she liked reading. 

If only she had more friends.

If only she liked to write.

If only she had a cat or small pet.

If only she was in better shape.

But no, stuck inside watching TV.

I hope there's more to her life now that I don't know. 

One of the people in my life who worries me.

Santa Monica Excursion

Yesterday some new friends, temporary friends, and I went to Santa Monica together. I couldn't remember the last time I'd stood in the ocean in the middle of the night. The water wasn't even too cold. We saw weird things, out-of-the-ordinary people, and ate good, inexpensive food. I didn't even warn my roommates I'd be back late, because I didn't know we would be. We walked all around to see what we could explore. I returned to my dorm at 1:20 am. And I want to do it again. 

I feel like I could have turned the experience into a much more thoughtful blog post but this will suffice for now. Happy Sunday, go read Post Secret.

Adorable!

New pet? Haha. Seriously, how cute is this photo?

Quotable Friday's Post

If you want to go fast, go alone. 

If you want to go far, go together.

-African proverb

Sorry, but I am!

Is this offensive? Because I was amused.

Good morning! (From LA)

Well, I'm here. I moved in yesterday and I'm somewhat settled in. Today is the first morning I've waken up here in my dorm room. Most people would focus on the first night, but I choose morning because it's the beginning of a clean slate and new emotions for the day. I have to get used to the hectic movement of the dining hall situation and everywhere in public places. This is a fast-moving, lively place. I have two roommates: Alexa and Jennifer. We're sharing a small room but I am trying to make it feel like a new home for me. I'm really happy with how my portions of the room look now. 

People seemed friendlier at orientation. Maybe that was just due to the stress of yesterday. Now, everyone is moved in so hopefully I'll get to know more people. High up on the eighth floor, people look so small from my window. We just have to get on the same level now (no pun intended). It's weird because there are so many people, it's impossible to get to know everyone. There would never be enough time, so I find myself wondering what the point of an introduction is when you're only going to be sitting by someone for awhile or stand in line with them for ten minutes. I'm beginning to realize those temporary, fleeting moments of companionship from strangers are comforting and essential to feeling like you belong. 

Thank you, everyone, for wishing me luck and telling me that you'll miss me. It means a lot.

Quotable Friday's Post

The future comes one day at a time.

-Dean Acheson

Tomorrow will be one of those days for me.

I wonder if Rei still reads my blog.

I stole this from hers. :)

Find lots more here at her blog.

Update: Good news!

Not only did I finish through "Q," I finished all the "R" files as well and begun to alphabetize "S" too. Today's goal: Finish S, T, U, and V.

I like blogging early in the morning, but I have to go.

A Real Job and Three Days

I have a real job now. Well, it's not quite real because it's only temporary, but I am actually working for money! It's shocking, I know, since mainly I've worked for just my own personal satisfaction of a job well done (read: VOLUNTEER). Haha.

I'm helping out in the HR Department at Natividad Hospital...which in essence consists of filing all day long. I'm already running out of nice office outfits to wear, which is a little depressing, although I'm enjoying the challenge of trying to dress professionally. I have a thirty minute lunch break and I've already worked out a system of getting things done. In the mornings, I have helped this woman in the Employee Health office, which was simple. I just pulled charts from the infinite expanse of file cabinets and wrote down dates and numbers. I also filed for her. In the afternoons, I've been filing in the HR office downstairs. Employee files. I got through letters of last names A through F yesterday, and today I just began M! I hope to be on Q by the end of tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Meanwhile, the countdown to college continues. Three more days of work, three more days at home, and just three days left to pack. Wow, it's more real now. 

This post may be slightly mudane, so I'm sorry. Hopefully this will make it more exciting:

(Spreckels)

Boundaries

I can't escape this trap. I'm stuck inside this confining box they've put me in. And let me tell you, it's hard to live in here. Maybe the walls will dissolve in Los Angeles.

Hello out there

I am really curious about the readers of this blog. Sometimes I think that just my best friends read and I keep posting for my sake only. And for that of my lovely boyfriend. However, every once in awhile, someone will tell me that they've read my blog before and it's always a pleasant surprise. I used to think it was a bit self-centered to keep a blog, to be so arrogant as to assume that there are actually people who care about what you want to say on the Internet. I don't think that way so much anymore, however, because I thoroughly enjoy reading others' blogs. They are a form of entertainment for me, and I hope my blog has served that purpose to a few people, too. That's all I can hope. So, if you want to let me know that you read this, you can leave a comment below. Please? :) And I will post more entertaining things for you. Thanks! 

Quotable Friday's Post

"If you aren’t in over your head, 

how do you know how tall you are?"

Stereotype of the First Year

I'll admit it. I fit the stereotype of the college freshman with jumbled emotions going into her first year. I'm excited, a little nostalgic, hopeful, and scared. Yes, scared. I am slightly worried about things such as...finals. My first college paper. The adjustment in general. My citation skills. 

Haha.

In all seriousness, there was this one encounter on campus that put the worry back in my mind after the initial excitement hit me. While at orientation one day, some of the other first-years and I were hanging out in the lounge outside the computer lab. We were acting like such freshmen, which is okay, because we are. We were talking excitedly about classes and the interesting ones we wanted to take and how clever we were for getting our schedules lined up. There was an upperclassmen sitting there listening to us who interjected, "You guys are freshmen, right?" It wasn't condescending the way he said it, but we could tell something had led him to that conclusion (besides our painfully distinguishing drawstring backpacks). "How did you know?" we asked. "Because," he replied, "you all are happy about your classes. I just got back from class and I want to shoot myself." While I didn't take this as a genuine suicide threat or anything, he said it pretty seriously. I just don't want to dread the academics (or any aspect of college) for that matter as much as he seemed to. That's why we are there.

I know I haven't started classes yet or even moved in, but I still am heavily anticipating this first quarter and this first year. Heck, I'm anticipating the first day. I've started to have dreams about move-in day, those telltale dreams which signify my inner hopes and fears, the dreams at night that signal to me what is on my subconscious mind the most right now. I hope I wake up from it all knowing I am in the same position as all of my peers, with the competency to deal with the new kind of challenges I will have. It's all I have. And I will enjoy this and never forget.

If you are

When your mood changes so much, you learn the right thing to do. The action that yields the best results. I have experience to back me up, but don't just rely on my advice. :)

If you're happy, believe in it! Speak with conviction and have faith in yourself.

If you're angry, doubt yourself. Be cautious and wary about this passing emotion.

If you're truly sad, cry.

 

If you're overwhelmed, write.

Article for Thought

Copy.

Paste.

Load.

Read.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/the-movie-virgin-why-boys-do-it-better-2388301/;_ylt=AhRhE.xeUh8FMmjkpTdNSXmBbqU5

Choose

I can write about whatever I want. I have decided that if it's not worth it, I don't need to remember it. I can become whoever I want to be. I may not be able to do whatever I want right now, but I can think about whatever I choose. You need to be happy regardless of all the others, which is so hard. I'm almost there. I feel permanent, despite all the uncertainty in my life. And good for you, if you choose to be who you want.

Our List

A few months ago, before summer officially began, Sean and I compiled a list of things we wanted to do this summer. It was a long list. We set a lot of goals because we wanted to have a great summer. Now, despite the fact we haven't finished everything, we still had such a fun summer. I am determined to get most of these checked off before I leave to school and our summer officially ends. We only have a few more days left.

1. Beach 
2. Creative vandalism
3. Camping
4. Visit the Monterey Museum of Art
5. Go swimming
6. Jacuzzi
7. Go to the telephone booth near Abbott Street
8. Teach Sara how to skateboard
9. Surf
10. Teach Sara how to drive stick-shift
11. Take black and white pictures
12. Play ping pong
13. Go to drive-in movie theater
14. Go to a party
15. Play mini golf
16. Cook together
17. Art
18. Go to the aquarium
19. Hang out in Santa Cruz
20. Hang out in Toro Park (caves)
21. Ride bikes
22. Fourth of July REVENGE
23. Double date(s)
24. Get lost
25. Go to a library
26. Language learning
27. Volunteer/ community service
28. Movie marathon
29. Picnic
30. Harry Potter movie marathon
31. Hang out in San Francisco

Some of the things that aren't crossed off yet are gradual. While I am not fluent in a third language [yet] or trustworthy to drive Sean's car alone, we have worked on these things. And, of course, we have watched lots of movies together, but not consecutively. We're not perfect, but we will try our best. :)

Waking Up

We're swimming, surrounded by the vast ocean.

There's a huge ship protruding from the rock.

We scramble onto the cliff and enter the ship.

Everything's different but the water is calm.

It's soothing there with you above the water.

Eventually, we know we must return.

Then they're angry. She's really mad. 

I'm telling the truth but lying by omission.

That only frustrates her.

I feel trapped and it's a sinking feeling.

Then, I wake up with my eyes still shut.

I hear someone in my room, and without looking, I know who it is.

It's her.

Majesty

Even then.

I love when I get insights into people,

Even if they are merely acquaintances.

I love realizing what people are thinking, 

How their minds work, 

And finding a way to relate to them.

I like people, generally,

Even when they disagree with me.

Even people vastly different from me

Are still alike me in some way.

I like revisiting the past,

Even the not-so-distant past.

I miss my friends,

Even the ones with whom I've lost touch.

I liked yesterday,

Spending time with great people,

Distracting me from things that make me cry.

Thoughts that won't leave my head 

And shame my heart.

Even when I am mostly loved,

I still feel ostracized.

I don't like judgmental people,

And I don't like getting labeled and scorned.

But even then-

I'm still willing to accept forgiveness

And offer my own.

(If only they would open up.)

How dare you.

Shame, shame, shame. I rarely get angry with people...

I write nice thank-you notes... 

Another one of my good qualities is that I respect others. I respect different opinions, beliefs, and faiths. I believe that each person's morality is different. I typically try to live my life to be a good person. Okay, I'm not going to be canonized any time soon, but my moral foundation is fairly strong. However, according to certain people, that isn't the case. I don't force my judgment on other people. I'm opinionated, but I don't tell others how to live their lives. Therefore, I don't expect others to tell me either. I want my privacy to be respected. I want to make my own decisions, and that hardly affects others, especially if they could mind their own business. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I can't expect that from people I considered to be my friends and family. I dreaded this and now it's happened. It's even worse of a reaction that I expected.

Adopt.

Adopt a word!

It saddens me that the average English vocabulary seems to be shrinking. (I'm included in this generational plague.) I just think that an expansive vernacular is an important asset. 

So...go to http://www.savethewords.org and choose a word to adopt!

I just adopted: 

quaeritate

It's really very cool. Go.

Something

Something happy. Something new.

I've borrowed a lot of feelings from you.

When I'm lazy, I'm bored.

When bored, I get sad.

But when I'm busy, I feel accomplished.

And when I get things done, I have meaning.

When I have meaning in my life, I am happy again.

Yet...when I'm busy, I become stressed.

When I'm overly stressed, I turn to laziness once more.

Fix?

Reconnaissance

I've been thinking about it, and I've had a lot of fun this summer. I no longer feel like I belong in high school. Hopefully, I will feel at ease come September 20. The deadline is drawing closer and closer; days are ticking by. 

Summer Adventures:

• Celebrating Virginia's birthday in Avila Beach
  
• Leading the cadet unit with Rachel at Toro
  
• Everything else Toro related, such as avoiding wild boars
  
• Staying at Rachel's house for a week, and working at Henry Cowell
  
• Santa Cruz
  
• Checking off items from our summer to-do list with Sean
  
• Trying to learn how to surf
• Taking lots of photographs
• Artemis! The grand adventure of 2010
• Bonfires and beach time
• Going to the Boardwalk with the Culliwoods
• Exploring Yosemite with Zoe and surviving it
• Attending summer orientation, running around the UCLA campus in the middle of the night
• To be continued...

The saddest thing I've witnessed.

The sisters were sitting in the back.

Side by side, together.

As her body was lowered down,

Down where we couldn't see, 

They wept and wailed.

I heard their sobs over the silence.

It was a slow moment,

Yet an abrupt end.

I'm back.

Camp was...a wonderful experience.

August is turning out to be a busy month.

I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to be a part of the Artemis program. Not only was I a part of it, I helped begin it. It's a great source of pride in my life. I just feel it is an accomplishment that is beyond anything else I've ever done. Especially as a teenager, this was a rare chance. I did it. For five years, it was a increasingly significant part of my life. Without ALTA and Camp Artemis I know I would be a very different person. Naturally, I was sad about this all ending. I knew all my friendships would continue and I would always remain loyal to the program and return, but I cried because it was another marker signifying the end of something for me. It was intensely personal, but overall I'm just very happy. I didn't really cry at graduation or the end of senior year, but I did at our tri-phase campfire and at the staff campfire on the very last night. I'm so grateful. This was special. I'm forever in love with camp.

This is the last week.

The last week I'll get to be a true Artemis youth staff member. Camp has finally arrived. [Finally? It went by so quickly.]

Stay tuned.

I want to show Spreckels to the world.

Truth About Fear

I'll admit, I'm slightly afraid to tell people how I feel. I don't like putting stuff out there for people to judge me or even know me. With people I really trust, it's easier, of course. But, you might say, what about your blog? What about those life-changing friends and experiences you talk about?

It's true that I have opened up a lot. Still, once an introvert, always an introvert. I express myself totally in private writing, but continue to post blogs with symbols and quotes. I draw little cryptic sketches. I'm happy that I have people in who I can really confide. Although sometimes I truly love company, I enjoy walking by myself. I used to like photographing people but now I prefer trees and tire swings and interesting landscapes. For reasons I can't blog about, I also take pictures of Chevrolet Tahoes.

So I'm happy. And I have one piece of advice. If you want to reread a book you liked, read it again. Who's stopping you?

"Her Praise"

She is foremost of those that I would hear praised.
I have gone about the house, gone up and down
As a man does who has published a new book,
Or a young girl dressed out in her new gown,
And though I have turned the talk by hook or crook
Until her praise should be the uppermost theme,
A woman spoke of some new tale she had read,
A man confusedly in a half dream
As though some other name ran in his head.
She is foremost of those that I would hear praised.
I will talk no more of books or the long war
But walk by the dry thorn until I have found
Some beggar sheltering from the wind, and there
Manage the talk until her name come round.
If there be rags enough he will know her name
And be well pleased remembering it, for in the old days,
Though she had young men's praise and old men's blame,
Among the poor both old and young gave her praise.

William Butler Yeats

Photography

We've all got our own style.

This is what I needed to read.

“Some of us fuss so much over making the ‘right’ choice, but in life, all that’s really needed is to make any’ good’ choice, believe in it, go through with it, and accept the consequences.”

I'm not so much a perfectionist as I admittedly do have perfectionist-like tendencies at times. I need to be reminded to look at the big picture and to enjoy things as they come. I look forward to things too much, and when the thing involves work, I end up overspent or procrastinating. Two extremes I want to avoid. 

However, I'd like to think that my blog is one of positivity. I want to be the type of person to exude optimism, not my own insecurities. I will be happy, always, if I only remember that I am.

I need YOUR help!

I've been taking photos. 

Walking around Spreckels. 

Doing dull things like laundry. 

Not completely a waste. 

But I need your suggestions of interesting things I can do and keep my days filled! Reply with comments below. :)

I love reading Rachel's blog.

http://itsarachelsaurus.tumblr.com/

A collection of inspiring images, interesting quotes, thoughts, etc.

Very pretty, too.

This is the full version (See previous post.)

"What's Genocide?" full text

Watch this.

"What's Genocide?" Carlos Andrés Gómez

Waddell Beach

More to come.

Juxtaposition

While I'm lying down,

I take note of the interesting dichotomy.

How silly my drawings taped to my wall look now.

That South America map I drew in Micheletti's class,

The one we were assigned while learning about Dorothy Stang.

And the flimsy, hot-pink fairy wings, 

That were a part of my Halloween costume,

That my friend made me buy at a shop in Santa Cruz.

The rainbow pinwheel, sticking out of a glass bottle I painted.

The flannel sheets with the blue gingham pattern under me,

And the pillowcases that don't match.

But the sunshine was streaming through the open window.

And maybe the juxtaposition was beautiful.

Sometimes

Sometimes when I apply make up, I feel like I'm playing dress-up. I feel like I'm just a little girl pretending to be grown-up. I'm playing make believe. I do not get tired of this feeling, but I wish I felt as adult as I like to think I can be...

My boyfriend is NOT a redhead. (And other life truths)

My boyfriend is not a redhead. His hair is auburn.

People who make fun of dentists/physicians are close-minded. They will probably attain a lower education level than these professionals, anyways.

If someone questions and criticizes your college decision, an appropriate response might be, "Oh, and where did you go (are you going) to college?"

The population of Spreckels, CA is five hundred. The population of Los Angeles, CA is five million.

Attempting something and being mediocre or even not talented at all is better than not trying.

Monet and Manet were two different Impressionistic artists, AND they were friends.

If you're having a bad day, at least appreciate that (if you're reading this) you have access to the Internet and probably clean water.

Introverted is not synonymous with "shy." 

May Relief

There's hair gathered on the table,

Glasses halfway filled on the floor,

Big sunflowers in a vase,

All the books stowed away,

Paint scattered in my room,

Peace in my home.

Mmhmm...

"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt within the heart."

My Two Cents

Please, please wait a bit. Yes, it makes you feel alive. But please, please don't rush. You won't realize it until it's over. And then it's happened and gone and different. Please, please don't hurry.

Prom. Senior Prom.

Yes

We are just a whole lot of awkward people roaming the earth and we don't even know it.

The Beginning of An End

Originally, I had planned to post a blog entry after my senior prom this Saturday and title it "The Beginning of An End." Although I still plan to blog about prom (but of course!), after my senior retreat these past two days, I felt this post more appropriately deserved this title.  

The only real mistake is the one from which I learn nothing.

There are times in our lives when our actions are not consistent with our ideals. All of us have times when we don't live as we believe.

Friendship is a gift, a freedom, a mystery, and a risk.

Sacrifice is the language of love.

It's easy to live with a God I've been taught to believe in, but it's easier to love a God I've found for myself.

Sometimes you feel at a loss because you see what is missing in your life, instead of recognizing the good things that you have.

Don't just be alive; start living.

A leader is one whose evaluation of the present is a fixture of the past, whose truth is reality, whose reality  is understanding, whose understanding is life, and whose life challenges the complacency of living.

How do I live love?

I stand corrected (On #2)

http://theblogofquestions.blogspot.com/

It's also linked to on my reading list of blogs to the right. -->

Idea #1 is still open, though!

Unfulfilled Potential

I have two ideas that I think would be really good for a blog, but I'm kind of lazy.

1. The best bumper sticker of the week (pictures just taken of cars with witty bumper stickers)
2. Daily or weekly question. Wouldn't it be cool if someone wrote a blog entirely in interrogative statements? Wouldn't it make you think?

If anyone wants to take this on, please give me credit for the ideas! Or at least tell me, so I can read and look at your blog. :)

Undecided

I don't like making life decisions. I will be the first to admit that my blog posts can be vague at times, so I'll specify: What I really mean is that I don't like this college-choosing situation. College stress is real, it's looming, and I can't delay making a decision much longer. Sometimes I question everything.

Future.

I'm eager to go to college to learn. Is is bad that I sometimes don't have a desire to be 'successful?'

Freedom of Speech?

Everything has its limits, but law cannot always rightfully impose them. Argue and be argued with.

Let's give 'em something to talk about.

Spider Hell

There are bumpy ridges,

That must be climbed;

Uninviting spaces.

Dark traps don't stay warm,

In tiny little spider hell.

All sounds vibrate,

Pulsating through the peace.

Nothing is calm.

It's a huge, living spider hell.

Tricky little cracks,

Crevices that hold more than secrets,

Escape routes and tunnels,

Necessary for survival.

You could call it their hell.

And they could call it home.

Something given; Something taken.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.  -Helen Keller

Infinity.

Blossoming.

Tranquility.

Love. 

Restlessness.

More.

Immensely.

Remember.

Unbelievable.

Graceful.

Peace.

Closer.

Try.

Curiosity.

Beginning.

Serious.

Gentle.

Happiness.

Situational.

"A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears."