To Pray Or Not to Pray

To pray or not to pray- that is the question:

Whether it is more right a decision to announce

My lack of belief in a god they want me to believe in,

Or to put on a false pretense at all times

Following this Catholic-born identity. To pray, to lie-

No more- and by lie I mean to say I project

A dishonest image and all that accompanies

Assuming the Catholic title. It is a dilemma 

I encounter with each day. To pray, to lie-

To lie- perhaps lose any faith I could have.

For in my dishonesty what I life I lead

When my internal reason and external tradition

Clash within my whole conscience. There's the thing

That makes the issue of religion so sensitive.

For who would choose to disappoint her own family;

The reputation of an atheist, though I call myself naught;

The frail position of an outsider;

The struggle of a conflicted individual;

The awkwardness I do not outwardly show at church,

As I merely go through the motion;

When she herself alone might her decision make

With a fair sense of logic? Who would bear

The burden of incessant questioning and doubt

But that the discord among statements preached by others,

The inexplicable sanctuary, from which

No science can stem

And may even lead to injustice upon others

When all that is advocated is love?

Introspection does make skeptics of us all!

And thus the strength and integrity of faith

Can be made more weak by the presence of thought

And concepts of grand significance and piety

With this contemplation cannot make sense to me

And lose their value in practice.