It just hit me.

I was so worried about saving my AP biology grade, trying to understand difficult math, preparing to give a presentation about Taoism, maintaining my GPA, completing my publication for English class, keeping up with all of my extracurricular things, and staying up to date socially, that I didn't even realize how close summer is. It is within our grasp, and suddenly, I freaked out.

In a good way. :)

Sure, there are still a couple of difficult final exams ahead of me, yearbook duties and a lot of work, as well as summer obligations, but mostly... it's summer on my mind. My junior year- that one, epic year- is drawing to a close. My crucible, my challenge, my own series of hurdles: it was surviving this year. I did it, I guess, neither gracefully or totally honorably, but I DID IT. 

And, not to mention, I had more fun than I ever thought I would. There's a lot going on. Change is constant. I also just realized, with the ending of my junior year, how close college is. That in itself is way too much to think about. 

So, it all just hit me.

Summer.

I'm a little sad about summer's arrival, which I am faced with unexpectedly. I know, it's weird.

Everything you always wanted- a "good" reputation, academic success, a boy to love and be loved by, loyal friends, things to do, something to be proud of...

Everything I always wanted, and it is much easier said than done.

"Let's give 'em something to talk about."

I'm still feeling the stress, but it's being gradually reduced. I think I shall end with an excerpt from my journal, from an entry on October 21, 2008.

"When I woke up today, I had no idea how busy I would be.

But I'm optimistic.

Now I have everything to do...

Wish me luck?

(I'll let you know how it goes...)"

And I've kept that little promise completely. : ]

Come into my world

Something Called Adrenaline

The Layers

First

My Greatest Talent

The Only Change

First Aid

To Not Let Go

Saturday Afternoon, We Are

I Don't Want Religion

Being On My Own

Once A Week

To My Mom

To My Dad

Ode to the Best Friend

Extended Towards All

Listening

A Promise

Currently sara

I'm working on my project for English class. I really like it so far.

I'm going to see Sean after school... :)

I'm watching Slumdog Millionaire right now, and it's a really good movie.

<3

Light not so illluminating.

Pssst. She was wrong. I know that.

We told her that her words were beautiful, that her poems were nice.

In truth, she really did need to go deeper. Some of the phrases were pretty and elegant and honest, but I wonder if she understands.

She was wrong when she said that wanting to be happy is being selfish. It's Not.

Everyone deserves to be happy. As long as it's done in an appropriate way, seeking happiness is the great, best thing.

You have to value yourself. You have to think, 'I deserve to be happy and I will find something in my life that makes me happy.'

Maybe she was bitter about someone's happiness leaving her out of the picture. But, then again, it was never meant to be. Maybe she was jealous of someone else's happiness.

I strictly censor my speech around her. I'm just used to it.

So, if you ever happen to hear someone implying that a person who wants to be happy is only thinking of themselves and is really selfish, you will know better. Or, at least, you'll know my opinion on the matter.

Therefore I hesitate.

Today: Appreciate

It's Mother's Day. 

Recent circumstances have got me thinking a lot, and have made me especially grateful for my mom. I hope she likes her gift. We're all going out to lunch tomorrow....well, today, and I hope that my mom and grandma enjoy it, of course. 

(:

dear N,

Dear N,

hey.

[I would never tell you any of this in real life, because I like being nice, I don't want to give you a hard time, and mostly because you never seem to want to talk to me.]

Looking at your MySpace page disgusts me. I know how you say you hate to be labeled, but it's very difficult to take you seriously when you act so fake. I've come to the realization that all you ever wanted your whole life was attention. It's selfish, but it's really the truth, and it's better than saying other things or criticizing you. You craved attention. Your brother's so much older than you, it was hard to get it from him, and he hasn't been the best role model for you, either. Still, you admire him because he's your brother, and you unconditionally love him.

Your dad seems selfish too, I think that's where you got it from. He wasn't always the best father, I remember some occassions. Your mom was busy and hardworking as you grew up, but she always loves you and wants the best for you, can't you see that? I hope you're doing something nice for her for Mother's Day.

You're family. But when we were children, you were also one of my really good friends. Although you were a brat, the three of us had fun and I actually looked forward to when you could come to grandma's house. I wonder if you even remember everything...

Do you remember the time we told V that the noodles at the Chinese place were worms and she wouldn't eat them?

Do you remember when we used to sit in the pool by your house? There were so many birthday parties there.

Do you remember playing all those video games on your game cube?

Do you remember riding in the wagon and Grandpa would always buy us ice cream?

Do you remember when we spent the night at your house sometimes?

Do you remember making up silly dances to Powder Puff Girl songs in the backyard?

Do you remember when we used to pretend we worked in a traveling agency and we planned trips and everything so meticulously? I think we were strange kids. Haha.

Do you remember when everyone was at grandma's house and when Nathan walked into our conversation about kissing boys and was like, "woah, you two are way too young to be talking about that"? Ha, that was great too.

Do you remember playing "Sweet or Sour" on the side of the street? Multiple times. :]

I hope you remember these things. There's a picture of us on my wall in my room, from that summer day a while back when you did my eyeliner & makeup, and you look happy. I like it a lot. I hope we talk soon. I hope you remember. I wish that you will realize what it takes to be really, truly beautiful. It's there somewhere.

Love,

Sara 

[weekend study break]

quotable:

Gravitation is not responsible for

people falling in love.

-albert einstein