dear N,

Dear N,

hey.

[I would never tell you any of this in real life, because I like being nice, I don't want to give you a hard time, and mostly because you never seem to want to talk to me.]

Looking at your MySpace page disgusts me. I know how you say you hate to be labeled, but it's very difficult to take you seriously when you act so fake. I've come to the realization that all you ever wanted your whole life was attention. It's selfish, but it's really the truth, and it's better than saying other things or criticizing you. You craved attention. Your brother's so much older than you, it was hard to get it from him, and he hasn't been the best role model for you, either. Still, you admire him because he's your brother, and you unconditionally love him.

Your dad seems selfish too, I think that's where you got it from. He wasn't always the best father, I remember some occassions. Your mom was busy and hardworking as you grew up, but she always loves you and wants the best for you, can't you see that? I hope you're doing something nice for her for Mother's Day.

You're family. But when we were children, you were also one of my really good friends. Although you were a brat, the three of us had fun and I actually looked forward to when you could come to grandma's house. I wonder if you even remember everything...

Do you remember the time we told V that the noodles at the Chinese place were worms and she wouldn't eat them?

Do you remember when we used to sit in the pool by your house? There were so many birthday parties there.

Do you remember playing all those video games on your game cube?

Do you remember riding in the wagon and Grandpa would always buy us ice cream?

Do you remember when we spent the night at your house sometimes?

Do you remember making up silly dances to Powder Puff Girl songs in the backyard?

Do you remember when we used to pretend we worked in a traveling agency and we planned trips and everything so meticulously? I think we were strange kids. Haha.

Do you remember when everyone was at grandma's house and when Nathan walked into our conversation about kissing boys and was like, "woah, you two are way too young to be talking about that"? Ha, that was great too.

Do you remember playing "Sweet or Sour" on the side of the street? Multiple times. :]

I hope you remember these things. There's a picture of us on my wall in my room, from that summer day a while back when you did my eyeliner & makeup, and you look happy. I like it a lot. I hope we talk soon. I hope you remember. I wish that you will realize what it takes to be really, truly beautiful. It's there somewhere.

Love,

Sara