Choose

I can write about whatever I want. I have decided that if it's not worth it, I don't need to remember it. I can become whoever I want to be. I may not be able to do whatever I want right now, but I can think about whatever I choose. You need to be happy regardless of all the others, which is so hard. I'm almost there. I feel permanent, despite all the uncertainty in my life. And good for you, if you choose to be who you want.

Our List

A few months ago, before summer officially began, Sean and I compiled a list of things we wanted to do this summer. It was a long list. We set a lot of goals because we wanted to have a great summer. Now, despite the fact we haven't finished everything, we still had such a fun summer. I am determined to get most of these checked off before I leave to school and our summer officially ends. We only have a few more days left.

1. Beach 
2. Creative vandalism
3. Camping
4. Visit the Monterey Museum of Art
5. Go swimming
6. Jacuzzi
7. Go to the telephone booth near Abbott Street
8. Teach Sara how to skateboard
9. Surf
10. Teach Sara how to drive stick-shift
11. Take black and white pictures
12. Play ping pong
13. Go to drive-in movie theater
14. Go to a party
15. Play mini golf
16. Cook together
17. Art
18. Go to the aquarium
19. Hang out in Santa Cruz
20. Hang out in Toro Park (caves)
21. Ride bikes
22. Fourth of July REVENGE
23. Double date(s)
24. Get lost
25. Go to a library
26. Language learning
27. Volunteer/ community service
28. Movie marathon
29. Picnic
30. Harry Potter movie marathon
31. Hang out in San Francisco

Some of the things that aren't crossed off yet are gradual. While I am not fluent in a third language [yet] or trustworthy to drive Sean's car alone, we have worked on these things. And, of course, we have watched lots of movies together, but not consecutively. We're not perfect, but we will try our best. :)

Waking Up

We're swimming, surrounded by the vast ocean.

There's a huge ship protruding from the rock.

We scramble onto the cliff and enter the ship.

Everything's different but the water is calm.

It's soothing there with you above the water.

Eventually, we know we must return.

Then they're angry. She's really mad. 

I'm telling the truth but lying by omission.

That only frustrates her.

I feel trapped and it's a sinking feeling.

Then, I wake up with my eyes still shut.

I hear someone in my room, and without looking, I know who it is.

It's her.

Majesty

Even then.

I love when I get insights into people,

Even if they are merely acquaintances.

I love realizing what people are thinking, 

How their minds work, 

And finding a way to relate to them.

I like people, generally,

Even when they disagree with me.

Even people vastly different from me

Are still alike me in some way.

I like revisiting the past,

Even the not-so-distant past.

I miss my friends,

Even the ones with whom I've lost touch.

I liked yesterday,

Spending time with great people,

Distracting me from things that make me cry.

Thoughts that won't leave my head 

And shame my heart.

Even when I am mostly loved,

I still feel ostracized.

I don't like judgmental people,

And I don't like getting labeled and scorned.

But even then-

I'm still willing to accept forgiveness

And offer my own.

(If only they would open up.)

How dare you.

Shame, shame, shame. I rarely get angry with people...

I write nice thank-you notes... 

Another one of my good qualities is that I respect others. I respect different opinions, beliefs, and faiths. I believe that each person's morality is different. I typically try to live my life to be a good person. Okay, I'm not going to be canonized any time soon, but my moral foundation is fairly strong. However, according to certain people, that isn't the case. I don't force my judgment on other people. I'm opinionated, but I don't tell others how to live their lives. Therefore, I don't expect others to tell me either. I want my privacy to be respected. I want to make my own decisions, and that hardly affects others, especially if they could mind their own business. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I can't expect that from people I considered to be my friends and family. I dreaded this and now it's happened. It's even worse of a reaction that I expected.

Adopt.

Adopt a word!

It saddens me that the average English vocabulary seems to be shrinking. (I'm included in this generational plague.) I just think that an expansive vernacular is an important asset. 

So...go to http://www.savethewords.org and choose a word to adopt!

I just adopted: 

quaeritate

It's really very cool. Go.